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A Swamp Donkey Definition and How Not to Become a Swamp Donkey

Swamp Donkey Definition

Swamp Donkey Definition Post


So, what is a swamp donkey?

To answer the question of what a swamp donkey is, it’s important to note that as women in the developed world we are the ultimate gate keepers of the vagina. Since men tend to be thrilled at sleeping with just about anything that moves, it’s up to us to decide which men do and do not get their dicks wet. As in much of the animal kingdom it is thus up to the man to impress the woman enough to mate with her, which also means that the woman must be worthy of being impressed. Women who do a poor job of guarding their sacred temples from every sad Joe who wants to enter are labeled whores and ostracized in ‘polite’ society (seriously, no one wants to be friends with a gaping vagina).

Why? Because as in the animal kingdom, not every average Alex is good enough to procreate, meaning that by extension they are also unlikely to be worthy of the pleasures associated with the act of procreation, regardless of whether or not we women choose to prevent their spawn from latching on to our precious eggs.

How not to become a swamp donkey

Apply the principle of immigration quotas. Unless you set some caps like the great and powerful United States of America, or perhaps the even more coveted land of Switzerland, you’re going to turn into an unwanted wasteland like say Mexico, where drugs run rampant, obesity rates are the highest in the world and people get their heads chopped off. You don’t even need a passport to walk in there. Anyway, you get the point. You don’t want your vagina to become the land of no return and you definitely don’t want to be labeled a Swamp Donkey because whoever enters your swamp will be teased about it until the end of days (especially if they are from Cleveland or Chicago where people rip on each other for laughs all the time), forever immortalizing you in “remember when John fucked that swamp donkey who shed gobs of glitter over everything she passed and we couldn’t tear her out of Mike’s bed before he got home in the morning and killed us for letting a swampy sleep there…” stories (who wears glitter anymore anyway?).

Swampy the Swamp Donkey

It’s easy to see then that women who don’t set a standard for men to aspire to are just as bad as the men who sleep with them, but from my experience the women get the shorter end of the stick as the rest of us judgmental females bow our heads and lament our poor male friends who have yet to learn how to ‘score’ with a real woman (sadly, I’ve even known men to skip straight to sleeping with grandmas after too many swamp donkey encounters and I can’t decide whether these are an upgrade).

Now, being a whore is not based on sheer quantity. In fact, quantity is of much less interest than quality and other important variables such as whether the man you’re opening your vagina for is best friends with your ex or say the guy you opened your legs for three nights ago. While this type of behavior is much better accepted in high school where we know next to nothing about love, are just beginning to explore our sexuality, and don’t have a very many opportunities to meet people from outside our circles of friends, it (with obvious exceptions – i.e. events like giant orgies or swingers club) becomes inappropriate at just about any time after you leave the 10th or 11th grade.

Anyway, while sex is certainly about passion, pleasure and recreation, it’s also about trust, friendship, and a clear strategy, so do the world a favor, get the most bang for your buck, don’t sell yourself short, and believe me, the men who really work for it are worth waiting for (and their penises haven’t been through the hells of Mexico’s swamp lands).

If you have a key that can open any lock then you have a magical key